It can be helpful to see an entire application rather than someone’s self-reported academic credentials and resume so that you can see a possible approach to your college applications.

At the end of this post, I assess their potential Personal Achievement Index score on a scale of 1 to 6. Since one hundred reviewers will read the same application slightly differently, not everyone is going to score each application the same. I provide theoretical score probabilities and my best guess of what they received in practice.

If you want to learn more about how reviewers read and review applications, I recommend my comprehensive UT admissions guide Your Ticket to the Forty Acres for an indepth look at the admissions scoring process.

Check out my new book Surviving the College Admissions Madness and Youtube Channel

Background and resume highlights

Family: Middle income, large suburban high school, mixed Asian/White, male

Academics: Ran top 2% with a 1510 SAT (800m / 710v) for an Academic Index of 3.83 / 4

Resume highlights: BPA State Top 10, Founder of Marketplace club, Founder of Statistics club, UT Cybersecurity summer camp. Data Analytics internship and independent study, employed and private math tutor, JV basketball captain and AAU team, school’s top Junior award, national-level Piano player, 250+ volunteer hours.

Check out these five CBHP honors essay examples and tips

Essay A Tell Us Your Story

The heat bombarded us as soon as we stepped off the plane. Crossing the tarmac, I couldn’t believe the intensity of radiating heat waves, unmatched even by Bevo City’s summers. We cleared immigration and exited the airport. The sun felt on top of us. I coughed from farmers burning their fields following harvest. Even the humidity felt foreign. In Vietnamese, my mother began asking for help. Although it’s a familiar language that I’ve heard countless times back home, somehow even here it sounded unfamiliar.

My father is Italian American, and my mother is Vietnamese. We celebrate the Lunar New Year, Tet. We attend family gatherings for observing anniversaries of our ancestors who have passed away. I followed traditions from habit yet felt relatively disconnected from my Vietnamese identity until visiting Hanoi the summer following eighth grade, my first-time leaving America. It also was my mother’s first trip to her homeland since escaping by boat in 1979. I looked at the journey as a fun experience, but when the plane landed, I realized this trip would hold tremendous influence in my life.

Communist propaganda posters and densely concentrated housing blocks contrasted with life in Bevo City. Buildings seem haphazardly piled on top of one another with hundreds of precarious electrical wires crisscrossing rooftops and intersections. It surprised me how life there seemed completely different. People sat on stools on every street corner, drinking, eating, and talking. Stray dogs ruled the streets at night. Crowds thronged to cramped and noisy outdoor markets.

Despite initial, jarring, unfamiliar experiences, I started connecting Vietnam to my upbringing. I picked up Vietnamese phrases in the street that I hear at home. The food even tasted the same, just a bit better. With a local family, we cooked and ate my favorite dish, banh xeo, a Vietnamese savory crepe packed with shrimp, pork, and beansprouts.

Importantly, and maybe surprisingly, the people were warm and welcoming, especially towards Americans. I couldn’t believe the country experienced catastrophic wars just a few decades ago. Their faces lit up when we shared that we’re American. They loved asking about what we thought about their country, culture, and food.

For my mother, visiting Vietnam seemed bitter-sweet. She described how it felt great to see her home and remember her childhood. It also troubled her to see the remnants of the war that disrupted her life. My mother is usually reserved, but during the trip, she shared how she has recurring nightmares. By the end of the trip, I became curious in my mother’s story, and this otherwise neglected aspect of my identity.

We made a return trip last year to volunteer in a rural community in central Vietnam. We served the Raglai, an indigenous minority marginalized because of their different language, lack of education, and lingering discrimination. My family and I traveled with the Catalyst Foundation to provide access to education and help prevent human trafficking.

Life in the countryside contrasts substantially with Hanoi. Small Vietnamese women carried their body weight in rice sacks on their backs. Teenage girls acted as mothers towards their little sisters. Once the surprises and novelty wore off, I started looking for similarities rather than differences. The boys and I loved running around and playing basketball. Mothers yelled at their children to come inside or do their homework. The kids spent hours playing on the slides and swings. It surprised me how much we have in common.

Just days after my time in Vietnam, I returned to school and went out with friends. I felt more aware of our superficial differences, but my time in Vietnam makes me appreciate more what we have in common. My classmates and friends are Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, and come from almost every corner of our planet. Some of my basketball teammates have only one parent at home and struggle to cover the AAU team fees. I’ve been surprised so many times that I’ve learned to not be overconfident in my assumptions about anyone based on their culture, family situation, or religion. We are much more than labels.

My trips to Vietnam provided me with opportunities to explore the unknown as well as a part of myself. If I could relate with a seventy-year-old grandmother living in rural Vietnam, it seems foolish to write a classmate off because they’re from the “bad part of town.” Exposure to foreign places makes me appreciate where I come from and not fear others because of where they come from. I acknowledge that people and cultures have differences, which makes me the open-minded and curious person that I am today.

Major Short Answer

For my eighth-grade year-long school project, I analyzed data from the March Madness tournament. Basketball is my favorite sport, and math is my favorite subject, so my project didn’t feel like work. I transferred from an online database to an Excel spreadsheet as many college basketball statistics as I could find. After researching the past tournaments, I made predictions. I correctly predicted 80% of the games, better than ESPN’s bracket. I really enjoyed my project, but I had a difficult time seeing its broader applicability.

In high school, I tried Engineering electives, but that didn’t click. Taking statistics junior year reminded me of my March Madness project. I excelled because I love making connections from statistical analysis to make sense of the real-world. At the same time, I joined Business Professionals of America (BPA), competing in personal financial management and financial analyst events. I placed first in each event at regionals, a surprising result for my first competition against upperclassmen with a few years’ experience.
I have an older brother who graduated from UT and works as a data scientist. We talked about different major options, and he suggested business. The digital economy depends on massive amounts of data for all aspects of its operations from supply chain, marketing, product development, and sales. Business analytics fits perfectly with my strengths and interests.

I enjoy creating things, so using data to develop models and provide solutions sounds fulfilling. In a digital, fast-paced world, businesses are increasingly STEM-oriented. After receiving my 5 in AP Calculus AB and AP Statistics, I have the skills to succeed. I’ve recently joined Bevo Marketplace, where we simulate trading stocks. I conduct independent study to explore my interests further. I also founded a statistics-oriented club. We handle stats for sports teams at our schools and provide data for our yearbook committee.

After developing my quantitative abilities, I want to pursue a Master’s in business analytics or information systems. I appreciate that McCombs allows students to declare a major after taking BA 101 freshman. I’m excited to see which path will allow me to pursue my interests best.

Leadership Short Answer

I am the youngest of four boys. My oldest brother is married and living in Seattle. My youngest brother is a UT freshman, but my other brother, Nicholas, still lives at home with me. Nicholas has severe quadriplegic cerebral palsy. Since birth, he hasn’t been able to speak or move his arms and legs.

He requires around-the-clock care. When I was old enough, my parents left me at home with Nicholas. I’m not the stereotypically spoiled youngest child forgiven from chores. When I’m needed, I have to watch after Nicholas, carry him out of bed, or meet his needs when he gets uncomfortable. Although caring for Nicholas is a joint effort for my family, I serve as caretaker for my older brother since my oldest brothers live away from home.

Nicholas and I spend much more time together. I sit in his room next to his bed. I turn on his favorite TV program and switch to a new episode when he starts complaining. I readjust his head on his pillow. When my parents need my help, I lift him out of bed into his wheelchair and roll him to the living room or our handicap van.

Assisting Nicholas and watching my family care for him shows me how much effort, time, and love is required to care for another person. In some respects, I have matured faster because of Nicholas. I don’t take my health for granted, so I make sure to remain active, eat right, and appreciate each moment.
I sympathize with other families who struggle with their loved one’s health and quality of life.

When I see other families where a member is disabled, instead of giving a funny look, I think about Nicholas’s strength and see his love and courage in other families. I focus on the important things in life and rather than dwelling on small problems. After a day with Nicholas, I’m reminded how lucky I am to go where I want when I want and express my thoughts so effortlessly. Living with my brother forces me to take on a role unfamiliar to any of my friends, but I wouldn’t trade our time for anything.  

Diversity Short Answer

High school cliques exist, but I have many groups of friends rather than one. I’m thankful for the close relationships I’ve developed through participating at high levels in sports, music, and school.
I traveled to different cities for many weekends to compete in basketball tournaments. Playing AAU basketball against many players who will play on scholarships in college is a unique experience.

Basketball culture is unlike any I’ve experienced. It’s much different from the formal environments of music and school. There are entirely different ways of acting like wearing particular shoes to wear and talking slang. I’ve made friends from underserved backgrounds who I would have never met if not for basketball. Although I’m often the only white player in the gym, I’ve had so many cool experiences and so much fun competing with people so different from me.

Music also plays a significant role in my life. I’ve played piano since age six, and I’m my teacher’s most advanced student. I compete at the Federation of Music Clubs Gold Cup Competition, an annual piano competition where thousands of all-ages Texas musicians perform two prepared pieces for a judge. I earned a superior rating nine times, an achievement not held by many high school students. I’ve also dedicated significant time to my school’s orchestra. Traveling to New York City and playing with talented and interesting musicians at the world-famous Lincoln Center’s Alice Tully Hall was a lifetime highlight.

I also love making friends in AP classes. I like that I have similar classmates from year to year. We also participate in many of the same clubs. Studying together, going on trips, and discussing college plans with like-minded students bring consistency to my social life. My diverse set of friends mean I connect with basketball players, orchestra geeks, and scholars equally well. I love the spontaneity and competitiveness of my basketball teammates, the curiosity and drive of my AP classmates, and the focused dedication required for refining musical talents in orchestra.

I’m great at floating between groups of friends, so I’m excited to attend a university as diverse as UT-Austin. I imagine myself making friends easily in the dorms, my classes, playing intramural sports, or jamming with other musicians in front of The Tower.  

BHP Short Answer: Discuss a piece of news and the importance of a quality business education

The September 6 New York Times article How High Tech Is Transforming One of the Oldest Jobs: Farming introduced me to agricultural innovations. Companies like Bear Flag Robotics are equipping LIDAR and radar sensors to automate tractors. Their autonomous tractors farm around the clock and depend less on human drivers, addressing a significant labor shortage and rising costs.

Similarly, IBM acquired the Weather Company in 2016. Supercomputers collect and analyze big data to make hyperlocal weather predictions, replacing the Farmer’s Almanac with high quality and inexpensive data. With the global population forecasted to approach 10 billion people by 2050, technological solutions can help feed an increasingly resource-strained planet. It never occurred to me that farming is big business that requires cutting-edge skills.

The future isn’t flying cars and teleportation but buying toilet paper on Amazon and farming remotely. This article reinforces my belief that an increasingly complex world demands a high-quality and innovative business education. Technological literacy is essential in any business curriculum.

MIS is a relatively new major that prepares students to identify problems and inefficiencies and find novel technical solutions. MIS graduates analyze data, secure databases, and create websites. However, as the article describes, they can also help solve societal issues through technology like utilizing supercomputers to assist US corn farmers and disaster relief agencies in deploying resources following catastrophe.

Business and technology are not independent disciplines but two sides of the same coin. Businesspeople need technology, and engineers must consider consumer needs and provide products and services that add value. A versatile business education like Canfield BHP will allow me to innovate and adapt to our rapidly evolving world. It would also provide a solid foundation in the digital age to become employable in almost any field.

Admissions Outcome and Thoughts

Review thoughts: They are a well-rounded applicant in a variety of fields and interests while demonstrating their fit for Business, particularly in the Major short answer discussion of their internship and BPA. Their Essay A provides a thoughtful discussion of growing up mixed-race and also how their first visit to their mom’s native country, Vietnam, influences their development and worldview. It ties in well with their Diversity short answer about having many different friend groups and serving as a bridge between some of them. Their Leadership short answer is an effective example of how one can be a leader at home and in the family without it showing up on their resume. Reviewers get the impression they’re a sincere student who is likely to excel wherever they decide to target their attention.

I had this applicant going either way for BHP admission, so it was neither a surprise nor expected that they would get in. BHP is extremely competitive with multiple rounds of reviews and admissions by committee. I think this is a fairly typical example of the median BHP admitted student, meaning there will be some with even more impressive resumes and others with slightly fewer leadership experiences or bringing diverse perspectives to the program. I think almost every admissions reviewer would see this file as at least a 5, and there is also enough here to justify scoring them the highest 6, which fewer than 1% of applicants receive.

Admissions Score Probabilities:

One: 0%
Two: 0%
Three: 0%
Four: 5%
Five: 70%
Six: 25%

Likely score: 5.5

Decision: Admit early regular Mccombs, Admit Business Honors Program
Other notable offers: Full rides at Arizona and Fordham

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